C3/CCC Sermon Transcript for July 8, 2007 Just imagine what it would be like to go to a store to select a partner, the same way we would select a television. Just imagine that you go to a six level store, and in the store you're allowed to select one partner. But as you go up each of the six levels, the quality of the people incrementally improves. There's only one rule in the store- once you go up a level you're not allowed to come back down again. As you go to the first floor of the store, you see a sign that says, “Everyone on this level has a job.” And you think to yourself, “Well, that’s a lot better than my last partner. Maybe I should just stop here. But then you think, “Well, I wonder how much better it is one floor up?” So you go to the second level and there is a sign that says, “Everyone on this level has a job, and is romantic.” So you think, “I’ve never had a partner like that, so maybe I should stop here. But I don’t know what's on the next level, so maybe I should keep going.” On the third level a sign greets you that says, “Everyone on this level has a job, is romantic, and is extremely good looking.” And you think, “Wow! I’ve never even heard of someone like that! But I wonder what’s on the next level?” So on the next level there is a sign that says, “Everyone on this level has a job, is romantic, is extremely good-looking, and has a wonderful sense of humor.” And you say to yourself, “Yeah, right! I wonder what’s on the next level?” So you go to the fifth level, and there is a sign that reads, “Everyone on this floor has a job, is romantic, is extremely good-looking, has a great sense of humor, and is very sensitive.” So you think that you should really just stop there, but cannot help but go on to the sixth and final level. On the sixth level there is a sign that says, “You're the 6,874,432nd visitor to this floor, there is absolutely no one on this level. This floor exists solely to show you that you are impossible to please.” Isn't that what we are often like in our relationships? We can never be pleased. Nothing is ever enough. I want to explore the nature of giving and receiving in our relationships, and the relative happiness that we get from giving and receiving in our relationships. Happier to Give or Receive? Let me come back to shopping for a minute. Does anyone here like shopping? Is there any man here who likes shopping? No one that is willing to admit it! I sometimes like shopping, but only in small doses. In fact, shopping for me is a bit like driving- Go as fast as I can from point A to B, don't ask for help even if my life depends upon it, and never look at the map. Shopping seems to be a problem for men. I don't understand why that is, but a study was done in the U.K. a few years ago about shopping, and what shopping does to different people. A group of people was sent out shopping in different combinations- women with women, men with men, and women with men. These people were wired so that their heart rates could be measured as they were doing their shopping. Their blood pressure was measured as well, and there was a video camera on each group to watch their reactions. Some interesting things were found in this shopping research. The first thing was that shopping is extremely stressful for men. Even the very thought of going shopping sent the men’s blood pressure as high as fighter pilots before the start of a battle. Or, as high as riot police as they face an angry mob. Women, on the other hand, were told they were going out shopping and the complete opposite happened. Their blood pressure lowered. A couple of other interesting things came out of the study as well. It's stressful for women to take men shopping. If a woman was told she had to take a man shopping, her blood pressure would rise. In fact, her blood pressure would rise higher than if she had to take her children shopping. There is one last piece of information from the study. Some men were told that they were going shopping to purchase gifts for themselves. When this happened, the men’s blood pressure did not rise. There is a Bible verse that comes to mind- “It is more blessed (happy) to give than to receive.” I’m thinking about those words, and wondering if maybe they are truer for women than for men. Do women get a greater feeling of happiness from giving than men? Is it possible that, as stressful as it is, shopping is an evolutionary exercise in reciprocity for a man; no matter how burdensome it is, the man will buy a gift for his partner because he knows that the partner will return the favor? It might even have something to do with his partner perpetuating his genes! The Golden Rule as Evolutionary Fact Human beings are much like animals in the way we experience reciprocity. All we need to do is look at bats to see how this works. Bats work in packs of kin. When one has had a very successful evening of feeding he'll come back and find another bat that hasn't had much to eat that night, and regurgitate some of his evenings’ takings into the other bat’s mouth. And if you follow the bat for a few months, you will find that he expects the other bat to return the favor. Reciprocity seems to be built into the survival of bats. The Golden Rule is a statement of reciprocity. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” seems to capture the zero-sum game that humans play. We give knowing that we will get in return at some point in the future. I’d like to suggest that the Golden Rule is not a virtue, it is an evolutionary fact. We are hard-wired to practice reciprocity. In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus moves from the Golden Rule, which is evolutionary fact, into something far more radical- we should love even our enemies. When Jesus says this, he moves into radical territory. He is suggesting an evolutionary leap forward. This is what's exciting to me about these words. The Golden Rule is a zero-sum game. It doesn't take us anywhere new. It doesn’t increase kindness. It maintains status quo. The idea that we might love our enemies is a genuine step into the unknown. I think that we should be aiming towards that level of inclusiveness. Mark Twain said, “Love your enemies. It drives them crazy.” I want to suggest that we should love our enemies because it makes the world a better place. Love your enemies. It makes you happy. It makes you healthier. It makes them happier and healthier. It takes the whole planet to a higher level of consciousness. Loving your enemies gets you to the point where the very distinction between friend and enemy blurs into oblivion. Practicing An Evolutionary Leap in Kindness Jesus gives three examples in Matthew 5. But we need to understand a little context, because the world that Jesus lived in had an unequal power relationship between landowners and those who lived on the land. It was a power relationship where those in power kept those under them just barely in survival. Keep them down but not completely out. That way, the landowners could take credit for being benevolent. If you understand that context, it helps to understand the examples Jesus gives. In the first century, a form of emotional humiliation as well as physical pain was to backhand someone. If you offer your other cheek, the oppressor humiliates themselves by giving you a knockout blow with the full force of their fist. To offer the other cheek was to force a decision from the other person; are you prepared to give up your benevolent reputation? Another such example is if someone asked you for your outer garment, offer them your inner garment as well. For someone to stand naked in the presence of a landowner was to bring shame on the landowner. To offer your inner garment was to force them to make a decision. Were they prepared to go that far, to have you stand naked in their presence, and to risk their benevolent status? The third example is to go the extra mile. It was legal in that world for Roman soldiers to ask citizens to walk 1 mile with apack. To have someone walk more than 1 mile was to break the law. So offering to go an extra mile was to put the onus back on the soldier. How far were they prepared to go in abusing their power? These three examples point to the exciting possibility of raising the level of consciousness of the planet by creative non violence and shifting power dynamics. There's a wonderful Sufi story that gathers together the themes of the Sermon on the Mount and inspires lives of loving service. The story goes like this: There is a man who is seeking great happiness in his life and does not know where to find it. One night he dreams that he will find happiness in the forest. So the next day he goes out into the forest and he finds a fox with no legs lying on the ground between two rocks. For some reason he believes that the fox has something to do with happiness in his life. So he hides and watches the fox for a few hours, and sure enough, later in the day a lion comes and brings the fox some food. The man says to himself, “That's the answer. The secret to happiness is to trust life. Trust that what goes around will come around. If I wait and be patient, happiness will come to me.” Weeks later the man is very hungry and very confused. And he has another dream. In this dream a very clear message comes to him, “You fool. Be like the lion, not the fox.” The Secret to Happiness The secret to happiness is loving-kindness. The secret to happiness is service. The secret to happiness is to give without any expectation of receiving in return. How will we be stretched in our loving-kindness, in our service of each other and those we don't even know, to a point at which our happiness will increase? We might reinstitute this idea of random acts of kindness that I have spoken about before as a wonderful way to practice of this evolutionary leap. Random acts of kindness are powerful for at least two reasons. Number one, you give without any expectation of return. Number two is that you give beyond your own circle, tribe, family or kin. Give anonymously and give outside of your usual circle of care. What happens when a random act of kindness is performed? We heard it in this morning’s readings. A number of people are affected. The person that receives the act of kindness is affected. The person who performs the act is affected. All of those who observe the fact are affected in positive ways. Some people even suggest that serotonin increases in someone who acts kindly toward another person. The serotonin of the person being acted kindly toward increases. The serotonin of the person observing kindness increases as well. When serotonin increases, our mood improves and we sleep better. We are healthier. We feel happier and our immune system is strengthened. I don't know if that's true. I know that it's possible and I know that it feels good to be in a situation where you’re acting kindly, being acted kindly towards or observing an act of kindness. It feels good for everyone involved and it seems to be a wonderful example of Jesus’ call to step beyond our own kin. Our family has practiced some random acts of kindness over the last few years, and I’d like to tell you about one. We have a routine that we sometimes follow when we go to a restaurant, choosing a random table of strangers, and asking the waiter to give them a round of drinks on our tab. Now, our kids love this as you can imagine. The waiter headed over to the table and had a lengthy conversation, which we could not hear, and finally disappeared, only to reappear moments later with a tray piled high with about 16 drinks! Each person at the table had ordered several drinks. They were giant daiquiris with umbrellas hanging out. It looked like a scene from a holiday resort. So our bill came, and the drinks alone were something like $100. It was a lesson learned, and something for us to reflect on. There are no strings attached to random acts of kindness. Extending Our Circle of Concern Random acts of kindness take us beyond ourselves. They take us beyond any potential future gain. They take us beyond our own circle of family and friends. If we're to take this evolutionary leap forward, we must go beyond the Golden Rule to something that could be called the Platinum Rule. Give to others so much more than we would ever expect to receive in return. Don't even think about what might be received in return. Act kindly towards people randomly, anonymously, intentionally and creatively, beyond our circle of family and friends. Again, we have inspiration for this expanding embrace from certain animal species. Some species of bee, termite and mole have evolved to the situation where each nest has just one queen. All in the nest are the kin of the mother, and in many of these species the kin lose their ability to reproduce. So all in the nest become a large clan of mutual care. The remarkable fact about these nests is the size of the tribe who reciprocate care. In most species, the level of care will drop off with each fork in the family tree. For bees, termites and moles, they consider all in the nest their kin. How much wider could our embrace be than a termite nest? Lisa sang a very powerful song to us this morning and I'd like to ask you to join with me as we offer this as a prayer of loving kindness. You might try this prayer at other times, as a mantra of happiness. Say to yourself- Think about someone who has been very good to you, or has inspired you- Think of someone who has harmed you, or is an enemy- Bring the whole world into your focus- Think of the Earth- Responsibility Leads to Greater Happiness The way we treat the earth is another relationship where we can live the Platinum Rule. Zero carbon emissions has become the ecological “golden rule”. It’s not enough anymore. That’s a zero sum game, that doesn’t take into account previous abuses and the dangerous pace of climate change. Now carbon offsetting has become the ecological mandate. Its now possible to pay a few dollars extra when purchasing an air ticket, the equivalent of the carbon cost to the earth. The extra dollars are then given to non profit groups that either plant trees to absorb the carbon or produce energy in an eco friendly way, such as windmills. Sharon Salzberg wrote a beautiful book called Loving-Kindness. In it, she tells this story- Researchers once gave a plant to every resident of a nursing home. They told half of these elderly people that the plants were theirs to care for – they had to pay close attention to their plants’ needs for water and sunlight, and they had to respond carefully to those needs. The researchers told the other half of the residents that their plants were theirs to enjoy but that they did not have to take any responsibility for them; the nursing staff would care for the plants. I believe this to be true in all our relationships. When we feel a healthy amount of responsibility for others (without removing their power), our care makes us healthier and happier. This is the path to the platinum rule, to a more expansive embrace of others. Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye will make the world go blind.” He is most likely speaking about revenge, but consider the possibility that this statement is just as true for reciprocal kindness. An eye for an eye is not enough. Kindness for kindness is not enough. Consider being like the lion, not like the fox. Live your life as an act of loving service to those nearest to you, to those farthest from you, to those you have not even met. Live your life as an act of loving service to all people without boundaries and you will be happier. Your serotonin will increase. Your immune system will be stronger. The world will be a better place. The world will take an evolutionary leap to higher consciousness.
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