C3/CCC Sermon Transcript for June 22, 2008 This is a true story from France. A woman was dining alone. She ordered some soup and while waiting for it to arrive, she went to the restroom. When she came back, she was horrified to find a man sitting in her seat and eating her soup. She didn’t know how to respond, so she sat at the table in the seat opposite, and just stared daggers at the man. He stared back, but kept eating. After he finished the soup, he ordered a main meal and asked for two plates. When it arrived, he had one plate, and gave the other to the woman. They ate in a confused silence. The woman then ordered coffee, and went again to the restroom. When she came back, the man was gone….and so was her purse. She was furious. She screamed out “thief, thief!”. Several people chased the man down the street and tackled him. They dragged him back into the restaurant, and just as they did that, the woman saw a table in the restaurant with no one sitting at it. It had a bowl of cold soup, and you guessed it there was her purse. It turned out that when she first came back from the restroom, she had sat down at the wrong table. The whole meal and the false accusations were based on assumptions. Assumptions are dangerous. They have the tendency to make a horses patoot out of you, me and everyone. Henry Winkler, aka The Fonze, once said that “assumptions are the termites of relationships.” Assumptions erode the very fabric of trust and good will in a relationship. Assumptions, Assumptions! Alan Alda, aka Hawkeye Pierce said, “Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in.” Scrub off the windows of your mind now and see what assumptions you can bring to light. Are there personal assumptions that have been with you from childhood? Maybe you unconsciously believe that you have to overachieve in order to be accepted. Maybe you have assumptions that sickness equals weakness. What assumptions do you have about other people? Do you unconsciously mistrust people? Do you often feel misunderstood? What are the assumptions that eat at your relationships like termites? Maybe you have an unconscious assumption that another person will make you content as a person, placing an intolerable burden on your partner? Do you have assumptions around your religious beliefs? Do you have unexamined beliefs in gods or a spirit world? Scrub the windows of your mind and see if you can reveal the assumptions. Once you have revealed the assumptions, you can question them and see if you choose to hold them now that you have examined them, or not. Either way, it will be a choice. They will no longer be assumptions once you have examined and questioned them. They will be chosen beliefs. Ockham’s Razor Ockham’s razor was named after a 14th century Catholic philosopher, William of Ockham. He suggested using your reason like a razor to slice away all unnecessary assumptions. He’s often credited with saying that the simplest explanations are always the most correct. This isn’t quite accurate. He was actually suggesting that you begin with that which is known and cut out all assumptions that are unnecessary. Consider these statements-
The first statement is self evident. The second is an assumption that cannot be proven conclusively either way. Ockham’s razor suggests that the second statement is unnecessary. A supernatural God is unnecessary to explain the universe. That may seem harsh. For so many people, a God “out there” is an assumption that brings some comfort. Why is it important to make such a harsh statement? Because the assumption of a God “out there” could easily blind you to the wonder of the universe right here, and the mystery of love shared right now. So it could be with assumptions in relationships. Consider these statements.
The first statement is an honest expression of pain. The second adds in some guess work about larger intentions and care. It is not necessarily true, and adds what may be unnecessary suffering. To follow up with the question, “Am I right in thinking that you don’t care about me?” will give you the clarity you need. You get the idea. Use Ockham’s razor to slice away some of the unnecessary suffering in your life. With this one agreement to check your assumptions you can transform your life. Cutting the Ties that Bind You to the Past One of the ways that assumptions hurt is to live as if you are imprisoned by your past. You failed in the past, therefore you will fail in the future. Your partner let you down in the past, therefore they will let you down in the future. Religion doesn’t always help in leaving the past behind. Religion often makes it hard to leave past mistakes behind. In fact it requires a divine sacrifice. That’s part of the old agreement of fear. Someone has to pay! Someone must suffer eternally in order to appease the wrath off God. What a guilt trip! Make a new agreement and transform your life. Apply Ockham’s razor and free yourself from the past by removing unnecessary assumptions about yourself and life. Before I was accepted for ordination as an Anglican minister, I was interviewed by a panel that included the local Bishop. The interview was fairly standard and unsurprising. However, before being taken in the room something extraordinary happened. The Bishop held each candidate at the door and had a whispered conversation before entering the room. He asked each candidate 5 questions about our past. These were the five questions
I’m not about to reveal my answers. However my buddy, who kept me sane through the whole experience of seminary, answered “yes to all”. Sure enough, over the course of the next months, doubts were caste over his suitability and he was rejected for ordination. It was never said that he was rejected because of these 5 questions, but you have to wonder. This was a system where people were held captive by past choices. The past is not insignificant, but to say that what happened in the past will determine what will happen in the future is an intolerable way to live, and a certain way to bring suffering on yourself and the world. Living as if the past repeats itself is like driving a car by looking in the rearview mirror. It assumes an inaccurate picture of the terrain, and will almost definitely lead to pain and suffering. Living life in the rearview mirror is part of the old agreement. Choose to be surprised by life as it unfolds, and refuse to be held captive by past mistakes, or to hold others captive to their past mistakes. Use Ockham’s razor to cut the ties that bind you and others to the past. Every moment is as new and surprising, fresh with grace and possibility, as an Iris in March. Checking Your Assumptions Before You Slit Your Wrists Worry is a universal experience, and it’s based on assumptions. Worry is a double edged razor. Either way you cut yourself.
Don’t assume that all worry is negative. In the New Testament the same word is used for “worry” but with two very different intentions. In some places, it indicates concern for another person. It’s natural and right to feel concern. When the Sermon on the Mount says “Do not worry about tomorrow, what you will eat etc” it is speaking about lack of faith. This worry is a doubting in your own ability, or another person’s ability, to deal with whatever arises in their life. This assumption is part of the old agreement. The new agreement has unlimited belief in self and others to flow with the tide of life. There is no such thing as failure, only fresh opportunities to begin again, learn and move on stronger and wiser. Loosen your grip on your fixed idea of how the future needs to play out. Do you remember the story about the monkey who saw a small cage with bars very close together? Inside the cage was one, ripe banana. The monkey couldn’t resist. He had to turn his little hand sideways to squeeze through the bars and grab the banana. Once he had the banana in his little fist, he tried to pull his hand back out of the cage, but he was stuck. He pulled and struggled and jumped around, but there was no way he could get that banana out. He couldn’t escape the cage unless he dropped the banana and turned his hand sideways. There were hunters nearby, but this little monkey preferred to die than release his grip on the precious banana. The old agreement is like that. Fear and attachment is comfortable and familiar. It feeds your sense of a fixed identity and ego. Just let go, even a little, and the freedom and abundant bananas outside the cage will astonish you. Ask Different Questions Ockham’s Razor and don Miguel Ruiz’s agreement not to make assumptions, require asking questions. But make sure you are asking open questions and not closed questions. The old agreement used closed questions to confirm, or at best to reorganize, prejudices. The new agreement uses genuine questions to gain freedom from an old way of thinking. Let me illustrate by asking you to stand. Just stand where you are. If you prefer not to stand that’s fine. Its just that if you remain seated, I will assume that you think my illustration is dumb, and therefore that you think that I am a failure. LOL! Now let me ask you the question – Where did your lap go? There’s no answer to that question. Your lap doesn’t exist in the new stance. If I asked a slightly different question, it might yield more helpful results. What if I asked, “What happened to your lap?” Then you could tell me something about your experience of standing and noticing your stance and body change. Now apply the same principle to some other questions. If I ask the question, “Do you love your partner?”, it offers only a yes or no response. If I ask, ‘How have your feelings towards your partner changed over time?”, then you can tell me a story that can reveal all manner of assumption and expectation. If ask the question, “Are you a good parent, grandparent or friend?”, you are locked in a dualistic framework. You are either good or bad, and locked in your assumptions. If I ask. “How has your experience of parenting or being a friend changed over time?”, then you can tell a story. Do you get the point? Ask questions. Verify your assumptions. But make sure the questions move you beyond your prejudices and assumptions rather than locking you in them. As an aside, what is the definition of a statistician? Answer- A person who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. Assumptions are Interpretations, Not Reality Do you remember the famous story of the six blind men who were asked to determine what an elephant looked like by feeling different parts of the elephant's body? So it is with your experience of God or Ultimate Reality, or life. So it is that even two people can have such different experiences of a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s part of the beauty of diversity. Just understand that you have an experience, and an interpretation, and not some direct line to the reality itself. That would be a dangerous assumption. Consider the same famous story, but this time in reverse. This time, six blind elephants are discussing what a human being looks like (never having seen one). Failing to agree, they decide to find one and determine the answer by direct experience. The first blind elephant steps tentatively forward, and feels the wise man, declaring, “Human beings are flat.” After feeling the human being, the other blind elephants all agree. Assumptions are like that, and when whole groups agree on unquestioned assumptions, it can be very dangerous. Holy wars start over assumptions such as the name of God and whose side God is on. People end up being trampled by assumptions that confuse the interpretation with the reality. Being Surprised by Life Do you have the capacity to be surprised by life, like a young child? A university professor went to visit a famous Zen master. While the master quietly served tea, the professor sprouted his vast knowledge about religion. The master poured the visitor's cup to the brim, and then kept pouring. The professor watched the overflowing cup until he could stand it no longer. He cried out- "It's overfull! No more will go in! Please stop." The Zen master replied "You are like this cup. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?" Apply Ockham’s razor to your assumptions about yourself, others, your religious beliefs and life itself. Verify your assumptions with open ended and liberating questions. Have the openness of a beginner’s mind. There are more things in heaven and on earth than your assumptions could even dream of. But you will fall back into assumptions. When you do, don’t beat yourself up. That sort of guilt is part of the old agreement. Just notice that you have lapsed into an assumption, decide to be more mindful and do your best. Don’t settle for unquestioned assumptions. Step through your assumed world of self limiting beliefs and fear in order to befriend a world larger and more gracious that you could ever have imagined.
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