A man had been training with a spiritual teacher for 10 years and was becoming extremely frustrated. He went to his teacher and said, “ I came to you ten years ago and said I was seeking enlightenment. You put me to work, studying, meditating and helping the needy. Now ten years later, I feel no more enlightened than I did then. Shouldn’t I be enlightened after ten years of experience?” His teacher replied- ‘You haven’t really had ten years of experience. Its more like you’ve had one experience, and you’ve repeated it thousands of times.”

Douglas Adams once said, “Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from experience, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.”

Does that ring a bell? Does this poem from Portia Nelson ring true for your life experience?
Autobiography in Five Chapters by Portia Nelson (1920 -2001)

Chapter One

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost .... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit ... but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down another street.

Old Agreements that Trap You in Fear and Self Loathing

Do you sometimes feel like you are living life on a carousel, riding the same horse to the same annoying music, and the scenery never changes? This eternal recurrence feels vaguely pointless, but you can’t quite bring yourself to get off the carousel.

Are you tired of the carousel? It is said that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. So you can imagine the ingrained habits that form after years of riding the carousel; agreements that are self limiting or territorial or aggressive or just plain self destructive. The incredible thing about self destructive habits is that you go out of your way to stay trapped in their co-dependent lair of familiarity.

The residents of a small town keep falling down a deep hole in the middle of the sidewalk on Main Street and die because the nearest hospital is 40 miles away. The mayor calls a town meeting to address the issue and asks for suggestions.
“We need our own hospital!” says one local.
“That’s beyond our budget,” answers the mayor. “Any other suggestions?”
“I have a perfect idea,” says another resident. “Just dig the hole next to the hospital.”

The former agreements of the carousel are scarcity and self loathing. We imagine that the world is a hostile place, and that the only way to survive is to hoard scarce resources. There is another way to live.

The New Agreement to Do Your Best

Today marks the day that you choose to get off the carousel. No longer will you fall in the hole of destructive habits or agreements. Today you choose a different set of agreements, and the first is in the words of Don Miguel Ruiz, “Do your best.” It’s the most important of his four agreements, because it’s the spirit in which all the others are lived. Do your best, whatever your best is in a given situation.

Taking forever to claw your way out of a hole may be your best some days. And that’s enough.

Getting immediately out of a hole that you fall in out of habit may be your best some days. And that’s enough.

Avoiding a hole, and breaking the habit, may be your best some days. And that’s alright.

And choosing a different street will be your best some days.

Your Best is Beyond Survival

The former agreement was based on survival and care for just your closest relatives who share your evolutionary destiny.  Richard Dawkins wrote in his 1970s book The Selfish Gene that we have to “TEACH generosity and altruism because we are born selfish.”(The Selfish Gene p, 3).

This is where the Sermon on the Mount is profound and radical. Think about it. Loving your neighbors and hating your enemies is part of the survival agreement of the past. It’s a fear-based response. Loving your enemies is crazy. Its dangerous. It could leave you exposed. But doing your best may stretch you beyond survival to abundance, and if enough people make the agreement to do their best, breaking even evolutionary survival habits, then the consciousness of the planet is raised. All manner of peace will break out all over the planet if even on some days your best can stretch beyond the evolutionary impulse.

Perfection is a Depth Quality

There is a phrase in the Sermon on the Mount that is often translated as “be perfect as God is perfect”. This translation doesn’t get to the heart of the Greek word used, Teleioi. Teleioi doesn’t so much indicate flawlessness, like keeping the law perfectly. It is not a height word. It is a depth word. It indicates a heart that is open to suffering, your own and others. It is an undefended heart. Teleioi speaks of maturity and growth. It’s the type of kindness that grows with age and experience. It’s a perfection that changes in each moment and context.

What would you think if I was to say that Meg and I have a perfect relationship? Don’t get me wrong, Meg can be very difficult. LOL! Imagine living with me for 17 years! Ask the staff here about that prospect. As Ed Post says, Bob is called the associate pastor because he is the only pastor who will associate with me. My relationship with Meg is perfect in the Sermon on the Mount sense. It’s not flawless. We each bring our insecurities and foibles. And yet at the same time, there is a depth of heart that is kinder and more merciful as time goes by. There is a sense that the other person is doing their best in the given moment and that is enough. Later I will speak about the times when doing your best requires walking away from relationships. But for us it has required greater forgiveness and perseverance.

As I read “The Four Agreements”, I kept sensing a connection with the wisdom of the Sermon on the Mount. The Sermon on the Mount follows the pattern “You have heard it said…..but I say to you.” I understand it to be pointing to the same truth that Don Miguel Ruiz was pointing to in “The Four Agreements”. You have formerly lived according to survival agreements like scarcity and fear. Now I challenge you to live by new agreements that are born of the heart and a deep desire for others to know the same abundance that you have known.

Perfection is not about never making a mistake. On the contrary, perfection is the depth of heart that embraces even the mistake as an opportunity for growth. In fact the notion of perfection our society has fostered is itself part of the scarcity agreement. We say to each other, “I’ll love you just the way you are, just as long as you are perfect.” This kind of perfection is elusive and punishing. As poet Lisa Colt writes, "perfection is nowhere". Perfection, like the future, doesn’t exist. Perfection is also a lonely path to follow.

There is a Peanuts cartoon where Lucy tells Charley Brown –“I have examined my life and found it to be without flaw. Therefore, I'm going to hold a ceremony and present myself with a medal. I will then give a moving acceptance speech. After that, I'll greet myself in the receiving line.” She concludes somewhat sadly – “When you're perfect, you have to do everything yourself.”

Examples of People Doing Their Best

Here are some practical examples that illustrate Ruiz’s point about doing your best

Reinhold Neihbur said-

“Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime;
Therefore we are saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone;
therefore we are saved by love.”

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

How interesting! Dogma is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Living according to other people’s opinions is part of the carousel that spins mindlessly around. You have now chosen more than that for yourself.

Are you with me so far? Good, because now I am going to muddy the waters.

The End of Moral Absolutes

The sermon on the mount puts an end to external moral absolutes. Where before the law had prescribed moral behavior, now the only authority is your own inner voice. The Ten Commandments were easy, at least to understand, if not to follow. Now the Sermon on the Mount suggests you’re your motivation is just as important as the outcome or action. Doing your best becomes completely subjective. Noone else can tell you what that will mean in your life.

Consider a situation that is very relevant right now. Hillary Clinton is discerning what her best means in the race for the Democratic nomination. Put aside your own political persuasion and consider this situation from Hillary’s perspective. Is she doing her best by staying in the race, or would her best for the greatest good require her to pull out of the race and allow the Democratic party to unite and move forward? I offer no opinion, except to say that I can imagine how torturous that decision must be. What do you think?

Or else consider the questions that have been raised about the age and health of John McCain. Imagine the thought processes that he must be going through about what his best requires of him for the greatest good. What do you think?

So, my final point is both liberating and also highly unsatisfying. No one can tell you what doing your best will look like in your life. I can’t tell you, and the teachings of Jesus won’t tell you.

For some, it will mean staying in a relationship. For others it will mean leaving a relationship. Either way, doing your best will demand of you that you give up the self limiting habits of the past and consider your situation from a place of abundance.

For some it will mean staying in a job, and for others it will mean changing careers.

For some it will mean graduating, for some it will mean taking a year off your studies, and for others it will mean not going to college at all.

For some it will mean “coming out” to family and friends about your sexuality. For others it will mean staying private for the time being.

Either way, know that in your spirit you are completely free and liberated from other people’s judgment.

As Good as it Gets

Remember the movie, “As Good as It Gets”? There’s a scene where Melvin, played by Jack Nicholson, is leaving the psychiatrist’s office. He enters the waiting room full of depressed patients. He looks at them and says, “What if this is as good as it gets?”

Whatever challenges and troubles you are facing in your life, ask yourself the question- What if this is as good as it gets? Not because it’s bad, but because it’s perfect. Your life experience to date brings you to this point. Your accumulated wisdom and strength, and the centuries old wisdom of teachings such as the Sermon on the Mount, are the resources with which you will face the challenge and know that you will be doing your best free of the judgment of yourself and others.
Do your best.

Or else in a slight paraphrase of the Tao Te Ching, “’Do your best then step back. This is the only path to peace.”