C3/CCC Sermon Transcript for February 22, 2009
Your sensuality connects you with all species; fireflies pulse, houseflies flap, moths musk, fish dance, frogs croon, birds plume, mammals strut and preen. People aren’t much different. We whisper sweet sensual nothings, raise inviting eyebrows, smile suggestive smiles, bat mysterious eyelids, and flirt with playful flair. Flirting is an evolutionary instinct. It’s part of your sensuality which in turn is a gateway to spirit. Its Mardi Gras Sunday. We celebrate flesh and all things human. In particular I want to celebrate sexuality today. People have such different experiences. Some of us are in relationships. Some of us are single. Some of us are not in relationships but sexually active. Some of us are in relationships and are not sexually active. By opening up a topic like this, I can’t address all situations. My hope is to speak about sexuality broadly enough to include a range of self expression as well as relationships. Generally speaking, my sense is that sex is over sold in the media, and undersold in church. Today I want to find a new balance. There is a church signboard that reads, “Lying in bed shouting Oh God doesn’t constitute going to church”. It’s intended to guilt people into going to church. Well I think that’s bass ackwards. If going to church led people to shout “O God” more often there would be more people in church. “O God, life is such joy. O God sensuality is beautiful. O God it’s good to be alive.” Then you wouldn’t be able to stay away from church. So how about it? Are you ready for church to be the place where your humanity is affirmed? Are you ready, in the words of Marianne Williamson, to “make love an art, and make love like artists”? Today I want to affirm sexuality, not just as a good and beautiful thing, but as part of your experience of God, or spirit, or the Unseen Order or whatever words you use to describe the mysterious beauty that sources your life. I want to affirm sex; sex alone and sex with a loving partner, sex that is soft and soulful, and sex that is hot and steamy. I want to encourage you to embrace your own body, all of it, as a doorway to sensual spirituality. I want to encourage you to dive into another’s eyes, tenderly touching the other’s spirit, holding each other heart to heart and letting the connections melt your false sense of separateness. I want to encourage you to be of service to your lover and to the Great Love that fills the universe. I want to share with you some of my favorite positions….theological positions. I want to offer my theology of embodied humanity with missionary zeal. I want to titillate your divine imagination. Ah yes, today I am in innuendo heaven. But lest I bring this sermon to a premature climax, let me pause and ask the question- Why is sexuality so suppressed in the church? No Sex in Church Three couples went to join a church, but the pastor had a rule that all new members must go three weeks without being intimate. Three weeks went by and the first couple came back. The pastor said, "So how did it go?" "It was pretty hard, but we made it," said the first couple. The church has been silent about sex because for centuries Christianity has treated the body as a prison from which the soul is trying to escape. Ever since Augustine equated sex with sin, the body and all human desires have been seen as an impediment to knowing God. Sexuality has been related to all things inferior or lower; women, the earth; human flesh, the senses. Of course, the problem is that the less you talk about something that is so real for all humans, the more it reveals itself as a shadow. So the expression of sexuality from the church has too often been clergy sexual abuse and pedophilia. But shadow sexuality in the church is not just expressed in extreme dysfunction. It also manifests as general discomfort in even discussing sexuality. I heard an interview with one of the organizers of the Sydney Mardi Gras, one of the largest in the world. When she was asked how she knew which people at the party were undercover cops looking to arrest partygoers for drug possession, she said- "They are the ones that look as if they are afraid of being arrested." The undercover cops were like shadows at the party; uncomfortable and defensive. It’s the same with the shadow of sexuality in the church. It’s uncomfortable and defensive. Embodied Theology It doesn’t have to be this way. The Jesus that I read about was passionate about embodied theology. So many of the stories about Jesus’ life were about his radical, embodied humanity. Even when he did miraculous things like healing lepers, the story emphasizes the human element. The stories could have had Jesus healing from a safe distance, but instead chose to have him heal by touching a leper. He had bodily encounters with women, encounters that appeared to be profoundly sensual, dare I say sexual. The whole notion of Jesus’ incarnation emphasizes bodily presence. Embodied theology suggests that Jesus was God’s embodied presence in the world. Embodied theology suggests that you are God’s embodied presence in the world. You are God’s way of being sensual in the world. That means all of your body; all of your sensuality is divine presence. Embodied sexuality begins as self expression. Are you prepared to think of your body as God’s way of being sensual? Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi is a progressive Rabbi here in America. Judaism has a lot less hang ups about sexuality than Christianity. Rabbi Zalman always asks his Bar Mitzvah boys, “Do you masturbate?” At first, he says, they are a little sheepish about it and eventually they say, “Yes,” He then says to them, “You know what? It is a good thing to do on the Sabbath! Take your time, put on some music, and explore your body and what feels good for you, and most important, let God in.” Are you prepared to let God into all parts of your life? Mardi Gras reminds you that spirituality is connected to all aspects of your life. Is All Sexuality Spiritual? Doctor, the embarrassed woman said, "I have a problem. My husband doesn’t excite me anymore. "Mrs. Thomas, bring him back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do." The next day the worried man trailed behind his wife to the doctor’s office. "Take off your clothes, Mr. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Ok, you may put your clothes back on." The doctor took the wife aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your husband doesn't excite me either." The same shadow repression that has kept sex out of church has arisen as commercial sex in society. It is no less dysfunctional. Sexuality that says you must be firmer, longer, larger, longer lasting, more body perfect, might sell products but it doesn’t lead to a more fulfilling sex life. Sexuality becomes a superficial exhibition of perfect bodies and skin deep sexual encounters. It leads to sexuality that is guilt ridden and competitive. It might even lead to many limiting, negative thoughts about self and others. So how do you rid yourself of the shadow side of sexuality that leads to so much suffering in your life? How do you rid your minds of negative thoughts about your body, or of sexuality? The Baal Shem Tov, who was a great master of Hasidism, once said, “When you get these bad thoughts, what's bad about them is the garments that they're in. If you take off the bad garments, you see the holy sparks behind them. And these are the ones that glitter in God's crown.” So here’s a thought. In sexual encounters, before taking off your physical garments, try stripping away the garments of negative thoughts; unrealistic expectations and guilt, self limiting beliefs and competitive thoughts. Seek sexuality that is more than skin deep, whether alone or with your partner. Embrace your body beyond the surface. Hold each other in divine embrace and all separation melts away. Your love making brings you into union with the entire universe. Sexuality that Transcends Ego There was an older gay couple. No matter what the guy did in bed he never gave his partner any pleasure. So he decided to consult a therapist. The therapist heard his story, and then made the following suggestion. 'Hire a hot young Latin guy. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your partner fantasize, and should solve your problem.' They follow the therapist’s advice. A hot young Latin guy waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help. Perplexed, he goes back to the therapist. 'Okay,' he says, 'Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your partner, and you wave the towel over them.' Once again, they hire the same hot young Latin guy. The young Latin guy gets into bed while the man waves the towel. The partner soon has enormous, room-shaking, screaming pleasure. The man smiles, looks at the Latin guy, and says to him triumphantly: 'You see punk, THAT'S how you wave a towel!' When sex is about ego, there is no bliss. Let’s face it. For most of us, there is an element of ego in sex. We want to perform. We want to be affirmed. We want to fantasize about being a hot Latin lover. When ego takes over, sex can very easily become a cause for self limiting thoughts. Here is another way to think about sex- sex is not the search for something that is missing - sex is the expression of something that has been found! Sacred Sex and Spiritual Practice You often hear me speak about the value of meditation and other practices that break your habitual patterns of thinking, and allow you to rest from striving and just be. Well here’s some good news for those who don’t resonate with meditation. Sex can achieve the same purpose. Think about it- sex often involves the same sort of repetitive movements and sounds as meditation and chanting. During sex you have sensory deprivation, eyes closed or lights dimmed. You have heightened senses and awareness of your body and breath. Ultimately, at its best, sex is about union that transcends the separate self. So here’s the bottom line. We need more sex in church. But not just any sex. We don’t need more commercial, egoic sex. We need sexuality that embodies the deepest human longing for connection; with self, with other and with all that is. I end with a quote from David Deida- a current spiritual teacher who speaks freely about sexuality- Before I understood how to be open with you, I tried giving you orgasms so I knew I was a good lover. But now, all I want is your surrender. I want your heart's pleasure to ripple through your open body and saturate my life with your love. Your body's openness to love's flow draws me into you, and through your heart's surrender I am opened to the love that lives as the universe. Whether you have an orgasm or not while we make love, your body's trust and devotional openness is my secret doorway to love's deepest bliss."
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